Death or Glory
by TwinkleToesToo
Summary: A freak accident opens up old wounds for Jimmy. Possible spoilers.
1. Jackass

**Possible spoiler alert….the plot for this story is based on pure speculation. This storyline, in no way has been confirmed by any Degrassi executives. The title, however, IS a season seven episode title. **

My note….yes I know, I'm crazy. This storyline has been floating around in my head for some time now. I don't know what's true and what isn't, but this possible storyline really interested me and so I thought I'd combine a few speculation/rumors and run with it. This will most likely be a angsty friendship fic, and feature heavily on Jimmy and Ashley's awesome relationship.

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 1: JACKASS

Danny Van Zant quietly laughed from his seat in Mr. Simpson's second period Media Immersion class. "Dude, check this out", he whispered, elbowing his best friend in the ribs.

"Man, that's wicked", Derek chuckled in reply.

"Mr. Haig, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?", Mr. Simpson inquired, peering up from the stack of exams he was grading.

"Um no...no Sir, nothing", Derek stammered as Danny looked on, amused.

"An _you_ Mr. Van Zandt?", Simpson quickly acknowledged Derek's partner in crime. Danny shook his head innocently and went back to studying his computer screen.

Danny nudged Derek again, he raised his brow in challenge and Derek nodded affirmitively. Mr. Simpson started to walk toward the boys, interested in what part of their assignment had gotten them so facinated...when the bell rang.

Danny quickly backed out of the screen he was in and logged off his computer. "I take it you two have completed the assignment and will be prepared to present it to the class, first thing tomorrow", Simpson stated intimidatingly as he pressed his hands on the desk and leaned forward, looming over the two slackers.

"Ah...yessir Mr. Simpson...all done", Derek looked up and stuttered in reply. Danny slid from his seat and offered the teacher a wide grin and a studious nod. Derek quickly did the same and the two ran for the door.

"This sucks", Derek grumbled to Danny as they leisurely walked down the hall. "Not only do we have to finish an assignment that we never even started...but it has to be done and presented by tomorrow".

"Dude, relax it's only 9:56...we have the rest of the day to do that", Danny replied nonchalantly, his mind clearly on other things.

"But Dan, I don't even remember what the assignment was supposed to be about", Derek groaned.

"Neither do I man", Danny chuckled. "I'm still tryin' to figure out how they did that", he added, referring to the video they were watching in class, while they should have been listening to Mr. Simpson.

"Yeah man...that was awesome", Derek agreed. "Hey Mia", he called down the hall. She stopped and turned to face him. "That assignment...in Mr. S's class...".

"The pros and cons of media blogs?", she answered questionably.

"Yeah, thanks", he sputtered quickly and rounded the corner, leaving Mia standing there confused.

Danny suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and smacked Derek hard on the stomach, causing him to double over. "Dude...I've got it", he proclaimed excitedly.

"Got what?", Derek grumbled painfully.

Danny chuckled and pulled Derek up by the collar. "Our blog...we can show that in class", he offered. "We won't even have to write a single word...it all there on You Star".

Derek looked at Danny like he'd grown another nose. "Yeah, like 'Dating for Dudes' has really made that big of an impact on our lives", Derek replied sarcastically. "Man, I haven't had one date since we started that thing".

"Then we change it...a complete overhaul", Danny grinned wickedly and guided Derek toward the library.

"The library? To study? Dude, I'd rather go to calculus", Derek stated incredulously.

Danny frowned and pulled his friend over to the computer area in the back. "Now this is what were gonna study", he insisted, logging onto the internet in search of the video from the site they were surfing in Mr. Simpson's room.

---------------------

"Guys...isn't this just a little dangerous?", Toby asked cautiously as Danny and Derek moved two wooden picnic tables end to end.

"No man it's totally safe", Danny insisted.

"Yeah, we saw this guy do it on YouStar", Derek added. "It was totally awesome".

Toby was still not convinced. "Are you sure it's...".

Danny let out a frustrated sigh, "Dude...it's part of an assignment".

"Copying some stupid stunt you saw on the internet?", Toby asked incredulously.

"The assignment was the pros and cons of media blogs...", Derek explained as he strapped on his elbow and knee pads. "...we want to see what happens when blogs switch content".

"Yeah, we're changing from 'Dating for Dudes', to 'Double D...Daredeviling Dudes", Danny stated, proudly waving his hands over the imaginary marquee sign.

"More like Daredeviling Disasters", a slightly amused Toby mumbled.

Danny scowled, "Dude just shoot the video and shut up".

Toby shrugged as he brought the camera to eye level and pressed the record button.

--------------------

"Jimmy, it's freezing out here", Ashley shuttered as she followed her boyfriend down the back ramp of the school, that lead to the parking lot.

"Are you kidding Ash?", he asked laughingly as he spun around to face her. "It's beautiful out", Jimmy declared over his shoulder. "The deep freeze is finally over...this'll mark the fifth day in a row over freezing".

"Yeah, but it's only the first day of March Jimmy...there's still almost a full month of winter left", Ashley pointed out skeptically.

"No way", Jimmy replied insistantly, taking in a deep breath of the crisp cool air. "You smell that Ash? That's the first sign of spring", he added excitedly, pushing slowly toward the basketball court. "No more hibernating at each others houses because of the weather, no more trudging through the snow and slush...my hands freezing to the rims of my chair, no more tracking wet tire marks through the house...".

Ashley's giggle interrupted Jimmy's wishful elocution. "What?" he asked innocently.

"This is Toronto Jimmy", she paused, placing her hand on his shoulder. Ashley procceded cautiously...Jimmy looked hopeful, she didn't want to ruin that, so she tried to bring him back to reality as easily as possible. "It's just...I-I can remember many springs where it snowed well into April".

"No Ash, not this year...spring's springing early", Jimmy grinned adorably. "The groundhog even said so".

"Oh really?", Ashley laughed and rolled her eyes. "He_ said _so?".

Jimmy nodded, his grin growing wider. He gave Ashley a sideways glance as the slowly strolled across the basketball court. Ashley loved these little happy moments together, she knew how miserable Jimmy was this past winter...not only having to contend with the excessive snowfall and below zero temperatures, he had battle his way through a few seasonal illnesses...strep throat, bronchitis and a now lingering cold.

They both stopped abruptly when they turned the corner to see...and hear, Danny and Derek arguing about something. "What are those two idiots up to now?", Jimmy chuckled, seeing the two standing across the street, Derek covered head to toe in skateboarding gear.

Ashley laughed along. "Hey Tobes", she called out to her step-brother, who was on a grassy section of the courtyard. "What's going on?".

Toby shrugged as he walked over to his sister and her boyfriend. "They're trying to duplicate some stunt they saw on YouStar for their blog", he explained, annoyed.

"How did _you_ get rangled into it?", Jimmy quipped.

"I'm the only sucker with third period study hall who has access to the schools cameras", he groaned in reply. Toby looked over at the pair, then back to Jimmy and Ashley. "I guess Derek was supposed to skate over on one board, hop up onto the bench, where the other board'll be sitting and ride that across the bench", he explained fully. "But Danny wants him to do it across the table".

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?", Ashley asked sarcastically.

"That's what I said...", Toby snipped, throwing his hands up in defeat. "...but nobody ever listens to the director...", he trailed of as he walked away.

"C'mon, let's go back inside", Ashley suggested, tugging on Jimmy's hand, cringing slightly when she touched his icy fingers.

"No wait. I wanna see him try this", Jimmy chuckled, releasing her hand and pushing forward a little.

Ashley shook her head in protest. "It's too cold", she reiterated as she stepped in front of him, hands on hips, eyes unconsciously sweeping over his legs. Ashley knew that if Jimmy's exposed hands felt that cold to her, through her knit gloves...other, more susceptible, parts of his body were probably cold too.

A momentary wave of bitterness swept through Jimmy when he realized what Ashley was implying, but it was quickly replaced with a wicked little grin. "You know...the best way to prevent exposure, is through the use of body heat", he stated suggestively, pulling Ashley onto his lap. "So if you sit here, we won't have to worry about it".

Ashley paused to look at Jimmy, glassy eyes, flushed cheeks and winning smile. How could she say no? "Alright, but were going back in right after Derek does...whatever he's supposed to be doing", she replied, waving her hand over to where all the action was taking place.

Jimmy laughed and pulled Ashley closer to his chest, taking in all the warmth and comfort her body was emitting...not knowing that soon, he was going to need that now, more than ever.

-----------------------

"Take three", Toby yelled again, as Derek tried to complete the stunt. It was a hard enough trying to jump onto the bench, but trying to get from the ground up onto the table top was near impossible.

"Dude, that's it...my shins can't take any more", Derek complained, rubbing his bruised legs through the pads he was wearing. "There's no way I'm gonna make it up there".

Danny shook his head. "You almost had it that last time...", he pressed on. Time was of the essence now, the bell for the next period would be ringing soon and Danny wanted to get this stunt on tape, more than anything. "If we just had something like a...", he paused when his eyes landed on just the piece of material he was looking for.

Danny ran over to the supply truck in the loading area and swipped the light-weight metal ramp hanging off the rear of the vehicle. "This is perfect", he exclaimed, leaning the apparatus up against the edge of the table.

"That thing's not gonna hold", Jimmy called out. If anyone knew a thing or two about ramps, it was Jimmy.

Danny looked over his shoulder and rolled his eyes at Jimmy. "What're you, an engineer?", he teased and nodded for Derek to line up.

Jimmy wheeled up next to Danny. "Man, I'm tellin' you that ramp isn't safe. There's...".

"You don't like it, don't watch", he snapped harshly. Jimmy shook his head helplessly and looked back at Ashley. "Let's roll Toby", Danny ordered, side-stepping next to his 'director'. Toby hesitated and looked uneasily over at Jimmy. "I said, let's roll Toby", Danny demanded a second time.

Toby sighed and reluctantly yelled, "Action!".

Ashley stepped behind Jimmy and rested her hands on his shoulders. "He's gonna kill himself", she mumbled nervously.

The first two attempts, Derek barely made it half-way up the ramp. He was just about to make a third attempt when the bell for the next class period, rang. The group that had gathered, dispersed and was headed back to the school when Danny yelled a rushed, "C'mon, C'mon...one more time".

Seconds later, the sound of screaching metal against the pavement caused Jimmy and Ashley to turn around, just in time to see the ramp sliding from the table, the skateboard flying in the opposite direction...and Derek falling backward onto the waiting pavement. He landed flat on his back with a sickening thud and Ashley rushed to his side before anyone else could even think of reacting.

"Derek man", Danny called out frantically. "Help me get him get him up", he ordered, pulling on Toby's arm.

"No, don't move him", Ashley insisted as she crouched down by Derek's head and held it still.

"Ambulance is on the way", Jimmy added, flipping his phone shut and leaning over Derek's still form.

"An ambulance? He probably just needs an ice pack and some aspirin", Danny tried to brush off his concern with a joke. A few of the other students who had witnessed the accident, ran into the school to get Ms. Hatzilakos and the school's nurse.

Everyone was holding their breaths. It felt like hours, but it was only moments until Derek slowly began to regain consciousness. "What 'appened?", he slurred slightly, shooting Ashley a goofy grin. "Did I do it?".

Ashley smiled back, somewhat relieved that he was awake and talking. "Not quite, Evil Kenevil", she joked playfully, but kept her hands steady on his head. Derek began to stir slightly and reached to unfasten his helmet. "Don't move Derek. You hit your head pretty hard.", she advised. "You could be hurt bad".

"Naw, I'm fine", Derek brushed off Ashley's concern, rather groggily. "Just a little tingly", he chuckled lightly as he wiggled his fingers in front of his face. "In fact I don't feel any pain right now, I...", he paused. Jimmy's heart rate immediately quickened as the realization hit him in the same instant it hit Derek. Ashley watched her boyfriend pale considerably as Derek's eyes grazed over Jimmy on their way down to find his legs, laid out at an awkward angle...which should've been very uncomfortable.

Ashley had to look away, from the corner of her eye, she could see Jimmy slump down in his chair and cradle his head in his hands...while directly ahead, she saw Ms. Hatzilakos and the nurse running over. An ambulance siren could be heard in the distance.

It was almost too much to bear, when Derek gaze up at her with pleading, fear-filled eyes and choked out, "I-I can't feel...my legs".

-------------------

Please forgive me...I'm not trying to be evil or anything...there is truly a possible speculative story line for season 7 where a stunt that was viewed off of a video website goes terribly wrong...this is my take on that rumor. I know it may seem like a Derek focused, Derek/Danny friendship piece, but it wont be. You'll see what I mean as it continues. So, please drop me a line to let know what you think. Thanks!!

This one's for Kelley...since she was so excited about this one, when we 'talked' yesterday, I decided to type it as quickly as possible and post it today.

Degrassi is not mine...neither is the storyline if this is what the writers have planned.


	2. Consequences

My note….Wow, I'm really glad this story got off to a good start. I wasn't sure how you'd all feel about this kind of storyline. I know I've been writing a lot of Derek and Danny lately(they're featured pretty heavily in Hungry Eyes too), but I've always liked the Jimmy/Derek friendship dynamic and this was the perfect type of story to showcase that(among other aspects).

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 2: CONSEQUENCES

The paramedics were careful to strap Derek onto the backboard and lift it onto the stretcher. "You coming Miss?", the one EMT asked Ashley. She looked helplessly from Ms. Hatzilakos to the death grip Derek had on her hand.

"Go ahead to the hospital with Derek, Ashley. I'll excuse you for the rest of the day", the principal replied, grateful there would be someone there with the young man until his parents arrived. At last check, her secretary had yet to get a hold of them.

"We'll be right behind you guys", Toby called out to his sister, motioning between himself and Jimmy. Ashley smiled and nodded as they loaded Derek into the back of the ambulance. He never once loosened his hold on her hand.

Jimmy and Toby got about halfway across the parking lot, before Danny even realized what was happening. He set off after them, but Ms. Hatzilakos caught him by the collar. "Where do you think you're going, Daniel?", she demanded sternly.

"I've gotta get to the hospital Ms. H", he insisted, pulling away from her.

"Oh no you don't", she replied angrily.

"But Ms.H he's my best friend", Danny pleaded. He looked over his shoulder as the ambulance was pulling away, followed by Toby's car. "How come they get to go and I don't?", he argued.

"Because you're coming with me and you're going to explain….in explicit detail, just how this accident happened", she instructed. "Then we're going to get a statement from the other students who witnessed it...and finally, when all of this is done, we'll call your parents to discuss any measures that may need to be taken. After that, they can come and take you to the hospital".

Danny slumped forward and shook his head resignedly as he followed his principal up the front steps of the school and into her all too familiar office.

--------------------------------------

The surgical waiting room was quiet and drafty. Ashley and Jimmy sat with, Spinner, Toby and Danny while Liberty and her parents sat with the Haig's on the other side of the room.

Danny, who had just arrived at the hospital after his four hour inquisition with Ms. Hatzilakos and his parents, sat forward, holding his head in his hands. "God, I can't believe this is happening", he growled to himself.

Movement at the other end of the hall alerted Danny's attention. "He'll be alright man", Toby muttered hopefully when he saw the doctor walk up to the Haig's, but it didn't come off too convincing.

"And what if he's not?", Danny spat angrily. "Dude, I did this...I got my best friend hurt".

Danny jumped off of the seat and started pacing nervously. Jimmy blew out the breath he'd been holding. Ashley caught the sad, sideways glance Spinner sent their way. Jimmy was sitting there, so still and quiet...it almost worried her. Ashley laid a comforting hand on him and scooted closer. "Brings back some pretty painful memories, huh?", she asked, rubbing soothing circles over his upper back.

Jimmy shrugged indifferently and scanned the waiting room.,"Not really much I remember". Ashley nodded, she knew Jimmy was sedated for the first seventy-two hours after surgery and only partially conscious for a day or two after that...but that wasn't exactly what she was referring to.

The heavy tension increased when the group witnessed Mrs. Haig collapse into her husbands arms and weep. "Shit", Danny grumbled, subconsciously gravitating toward the group with the doctor, but Liberty intercepted him halfway and pulled him back over to their friends. "What's going on Liberty?", Danny pleaded desperately.

Liberty sighed heavily, "The x-rays showed that Derek broke his tailbone, herniated a disk and fractured a vertebrae...".

"So?", Danny cut in impatietly.

"Upon the initial exam, when Derek was brought in...", Liberty continued, using her wealth of knowledge to distance herself from the fact that she was actually talking about a close friend...her brothers _best_ friend. "...he was able to sense some pressure in both extremities and had a very slight, but positive result in his right foot...".

"The Babinski reflex", Jimmy blurted softly. Liberty nodded, not entirely surprised Jimmy knew the techincal term, but impressed none the less.

Spinner turned to Jimmy. "Dude, was it like that...", he glanced down at Jimmy's legs. "...ya know?".

"No man, I never had any of that", Jimmy answered quietly.

"So that's good then...right?", Danny exclaimed, sounding both happy and relieved. Jimmy slumped back and cringed slightly at the verbal punch in the gut, Danny had just, unknowingly delivered.

"Um, yeah...I guess", Liberty stuttered, flashing Jimmy an apologetic look before she continued. "I mean, they were able to repair the fracture and the herniation and removed the tiny bone fragment that was pressing on a nerve".

"Okaaaay?", Danny pressed on. "So, when is he gonna be up and around again?".

Liberty paled slightly. "Daniel, it's not that simple...".

"What aren't you telling me Liberty?", he questioneded angrily.

Liberty reached out a comforting hand to her brother and softened her tone. "Danny, there's always the risk of post-operative infection and with an injury like this, there's bound to be some soft tissue swelling...".

"What does that mean?", Danny barked.

"It means, they have to wait until the swelling goes down before they make a definite progosis", Jimmy cut in for a second time...his unfortunate expertise in this area, evident once more. Even with a complete injury such as his, Jimmy was well aware of the waiting game he endured in the week or so it took the majority of the swelling to go down aroud his injury site, that resulted in the minimal, but very much needed, return of some function in his mid abdominal muscles.

"Well, how long does that take?", Danny demanded, running his hands hard through his wild hair.

"Days, probably weeks", Liberty answered hesitatly...she knew it wasn't the answer her brother wanted to hear. "But then there will mostly likely be some intensive rehabilitation...".

Liberty's voice trailed off when Danny started to pace erratically. She didn't know what to do, the pain and guilt that was covering his face was breaking her heart. "Danny?".

He looked up at his sister, his eyes pleading with hers. His voice was soft, but firm, "Tell me the truth Lib...what are his chances?".

Liberty looked around at the anxious faces of the group in front of her. "As of right now?", she asked cautiously. Ashley hadn't even realized she was inching forward until her knees bumped into the back of Jimmy's chair, her hands grabbed onto his shoulders to steady herself...and him. Danny nodded slowly. "Fifty-fifty".

----------------------

Ashley's head bobbed up at the snap of Jimmy's breaks, she looked over to see him slowly push back from the desk. "See you in chem.", he whispered flatly...but before she could answer, he was already half-way over to Mr. Simpson's desk. Jimmy handed his teacher the completed essay part of their test without a word and promptly left the room. Ashley glanced up at the clock, a little surprised that there was still eight minutes until the bell was to ring and Jimmy was usually only alotted five minutes leeway, before the bell, and after.

Mr. Simpson cleared his throat. "Ashley, may I see you for a moment, please?", he called softly as not to disturb the other students. After a quick glance from Spinner, who was so focused what he was writing, he hadn't even noticed Jimmy's departure...Ashley nodded affirmitively and stood up from her seat.

Mr. Simpson offered her a warm smile and motioned for Ashley to sit in the chair next to his desk. "I was wondering if you could give this to Jimmy please", he shuffled through some papers and pulled out the stack he was looking for. Handing her two sheets, one for her and one for Jimmy, he continued, "It's the project outline for our new assignment".

Ashley smiled cautiously, usure of why Simpson didn't just give these to her when he passed them out to the rest of the class. "Jimmy left in such a hurry, I didn't have time to give him one", he added. Ashley nodded, satisfied with his explaination . "Is everything alright with him?", Mr. Simpson inquired softly, just as Ashley was about to stand up.

Ashley shrugged. "Um yeah sure...he's fine", she answered vaguely, not being totally comfortable with discussing Jimmy behind his back, but feeling the need to talk to someone...and Mr. Simpson seemed as genuinely concerned as Ashley was becoming.

"He's been a little quiet and withdrawn lately...not his usual self", the teacher commented. Ashley couldn't agree more...from the slow, sluggish way he moved to the smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "The only time I ever see him smile anymore...is when the two of you are together", Simpson added, a suggestive smirk spreading over his face.

Ashley blushed slightly, but ignored his implication with her tentative reply, "Yeah, with everything that's been going on...ya know, with Derek and all that"..

"I could see how something like that might affect Jimmy.", Snake concurred. "I mean, it must be difficult for Jimmy to have to visit Derek in the same hospital that he was at with a similar type of injury...", he trailed off, shaking his head sadly. "But, I heard he's showing some improvement...that's good.

"Yeah...it is", Ashley answered avoidingly and shifted in the seat. She didn't have the heart to tell Mr.Simpson that Jimmy didn't talk much about Derek, nor had he been back to visit him in the week since the accident...not once. Snake met her eyes and offered a sympathetic smile, just as the bell rang. Ashley jumped up from the chair and practically ran to her desk. "Thanks Mr. Simpson...see you tomorrow", she called over her shoulder and left.

-------------

Ashley giggled slightly over a joke Toby was telling, as she walked with him and Liberty to the cafeteria for lunch. A familiar glint caught her eye and she turned her head to see Jimmy's silhouette in the windows of the glass-enclosed common area, or 'the square'. "Guys, I'll catch up with you later", she called to her step-brother and his girlfriend and headed the opposite way.

"Hey, I thought you left for physio", Ashley chimed, an odd contrast to his sullen mood, as she walked up behind Jimmy and put her arms around him.

"Missed the bus", he murmured.

Ashley quirked a skeptical brow after remembering his early escape from Mr. Simpson's class. "I would've driven you", she offered sincerely.

Jimmy shrugged. "I didn't want you to miss choir", he replied truthfully. "Besides, it's really coming down out there and I don't want you to have to drive in that", he motioned out the window at the huge white flakes falling from the sky. A rueful smile formed on his lips, "Guess I was wrong about the weather".

Ashley smiled and affectionately rubbed her hands up and down Jimmy's arms a few times before taking a seat on the bench opposite him. "I wouldn't have minded...if it meant you'd get your session in", she stated, taking his hands in hers.

"It can wait 'til after school", Jimmy brushed her concern off.

"I know, but it shouldn't have to", Ash exclaimed softly. Jimmy gave Ashley's hands a gentle squeeze and by that, she knew he appreciated the concern, but didn't care to talk about the subject any further. "Why don't we go get some lunch then?", she offered with a tug, but Jimmy's grimace stopped her...the caf at Degrassi wasn't exactly know for it's culinary masterpieces.

Ashley giggled and eyed his bag. "You pack extra?", she asked, knowing that Jimmy always ate his lunch on the bus ride home for his physio sessions and Mrs. Brooks was famous for making sure her son packed enough to eat, in case of emergencies. Jimmy'd be fully prepared if the bus were to brake down on the way home, or if he ever got stuck after school and missed dinner, or if there were a nuclear disaster...

"You know it", he chuckled softly and started unpacking the bulging lunch sack. The couple sat in a comfortable silence, Ashley stretched out along the bench, her back against Jimmy's side, his arm protectively around her waist and watched the snow fall as they ate.

"I um, talked to Liberty today...", Ashley trailed off as she passed the pop can they were sharing, back to Jimmy and swung her body around so she was side-by-side with him.

"So? You talk to Liberty every day", he playfully replied, taking the plastic wrapper off of a chocolate cupcake, then bitting it before handing it to Ashley.

Ashley scooped some of the cream from the center of the cupcake and studied it. "Well actually, it was Liberty and Danny", she proceeded cautiously, finally licking the sweet, fluffy stuff from her finger.

"Yeah?", he queried reservedly.

"Yeah", Ashley sighed, toying with a corner of the solidified icing. "Danny said Derek's doing really well", she added cheerfully. Jimmy acknowledged her with a nod, but stayed silent. "He also said that Derek's been asking about you...". Jimmy sighed heavily and rubbed his temples in frustration. "Jimmy, he wants to see you", Ashley stated pleadingly.

"Why, so I can be yet another reminder of what his life is like now?", he asked sarcastically.

Ashley cringed, knowing she hit a sensitive nerve, but pressed on anyway. "He's already made some progress and his doctor's expect him to recover most function and...".

"Oh right Ash...I'll just go over there so he'll realize how greatful he should be that he didn't end up like me?", Jimmy spat angrily.

Ashley fought to hold back the tears that filled her eyes and tried not to show how much Jimmy's last statement hurt her. "He was moved to rehab today...he's at Ryan", she continued, still fighting for composure. "And I figured he might want to see a friend who's been where he is and knows what he's going through", she finished curtly, then got up and began cleaning up their lunch mess.

"I'm sorry", Jimmy muttered soft and sincere, as he wheeled up to the trash can Ashley was standing next to. "I didn't mean to snap at you". she smiled in acceptance to his apology, afraid that if she spoke, her emotions might betray her and she'd start to cry.

Ashley cleared her throat. "And I shouldn't have pushed the subject", she stated guiltily.

"But you were right, I should be a better friend to Derek", he confessed regretfully. "I stop by and see him soon", Jimmy added, earning him a lingering kiss from Ashley.

"We'd better get going", Ashley giggled as they broke away. The bell would be ringing soon and both needed to hit their lockers before heading to their organic chemistry class.

"I can go with you if you'd like", Ashley offered out of the blue, as the pair waited for the elevator.

Jimmy shook his head and smiled up at Ashley. "Thanks, but no...this is something I have to do on my own".

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Okay...I left some parts kinda vague, while others were hinting at what is to come...It's your job to figure out what those were(hee-hee). I'm surprisingly excited about this story, I was a little worried about it at first, but now I love where it's going.

Many thanks to my awesome reviewers...Raina-Bess, lilfiftyfour and havocmangawip.

Degrassi is not mine.


	3. Bond

My note….see, I write a story where I put Derek in the hospital, and then basically cut him out of an entire chapter...oops. This chap features quite a few friendships and will build up some of the angst for future chapters.

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 3: BOND

Jimmy could see the big, light brick building he called home for three months, in the distance. The bus lurched slightly as it stopped at the corner of Willow and 5th streets. Jimmy adjusted his gloves as he waited for the driver to operate the devise that opened the door and lowered the lift Jimmy was on, to the ground.

The wind was bitter, Jimmy looked over his shoulder and gave a friendly smile to the driver, who waved in ackowledgement as the lift was raised and the bus roared back to life. Jimmy pushed over to the corner and waited for traffic to clear before crossing Willow street and heading north, through the parking lot.

H.S. Ryan Recovery Center.

It looked the same. Same sloped sidewalk up to the large metal doors. Same button activated switch to open said doors. Same industrial strength cleaner they used to mop the floors. Jimmy's stomach flip-flopped.

"Can I help you?", was the question. Same cheerful receptionist at the front desk...the one Craig and Marco duped that time they broke him out to go to that Kid Elrick show. If he remembered correctly, Marla was her name.

Jimmy jumped back into reality and pivoted to his right. "Um yeah...", he cleared his throat uneasily. "I'm here to see Derek Haig...he's a new patient". The receptionist eyed him critically as her gaze fell onto the bouquet of flowers laying on his lap. Jimmy looked down and blushed. "Oh, and nurse Paula too", he ammended quickly. Marla tried to hide her amused smile.

Jimmy pulled up to the counter and signed the visitor log, while Marla looked up the information he'd requested. "Derek Haig is in room 319 and nurse Paula's office is...".

"I know", Jimmy cut in. "Left at the hallway, four rooms down on the right".

The receptionist nodded affirmitively and called out, "Have a good day Sir", as Jimmy headed toward his first stop.

_Sir?_...Jimmy wondered where that came from. She had never called him sir before, not many people had and when he was here, he was just Jimmy or patient #0655.

"Jimmy Brooks", a familiar voice echoed through the halls. He spun around and grinned widely to see nurse Paula slowly walking toward him with the help of her braces and crutches. _She must be having a good day_, he thought happily.

Paula's own smile widened with every step as she eventually caught up with her former patient. She paused at the door of her office, letting Jimmy through before following him in. Jimmy parked opposite Paula's desk and waited for her to take a seat behind it, but instead, she opted for her wheelchair and pulled up directly across from him.

"You're here to see Derek", she stated more than questioned, as she reached down to remove her braces.

"You seem surprised", Jimmy replied timidly.

"No actually, I've been expecting you", Paula said, sitting up straight and looking Jimmy directly in the eye. "I just figured you would've come sooner...Derek's been here a few days now".

Jimmy hung his head sheepishly and shrugged, suddenly remebering the flowers in his lap. "I've been pretty busy", he gave his excuse dismissively and grabbed hold of the bouquet. "These are for you".

Paula smiled and accepted the gift, "Thanks, there beautiful". There was a slight pause of uncomfortable silence as Paula laid the flowers on her desk. She turned back to Jimmy and folded her hands in her lap, "So, what's kept you so busy? It's been a few months since your last e-mail".

"Yeah, sorry about that", Jimmy grinned apologetically. He felt bad, if he remembered correctly, he hadn't sent Paula one of their monthly e-mail updates since January and didn't reply to the two she'd sent since.

"So, you've been healthy...school and work okay?", Paula rambled on. "Everything alright with you and Ashley?". She immediately noticed the twinkle in Jimmy's eye at the mention of his girlfriend, and she smiled wider.

Jimmy rocked his head from side to side. "It's been a hard winter, had this sinus thing that's kinda sticking with me. Ya know...runny nose, bad cough", he shrugged, hoping to hold off any undesired concern on Paula's part by leaving out all the details. "School's fine, getting ready for graduation", that thought made him smile. "The business is doing great, we're really starting to show a profit", Jimmy paused and a shy glimmer flickered in his eyes as he blushed beyond his control. "And things with Ash are...amazing".

Paula was happy Jimmy was doing so well. She wondered about him when he was a patient here...the tough exterior he exhibited, never showing emotion or letting things bother him...well okay, so there was that one time he got a little mopey, but, he used those qualities to work harder and rehabilitate faster. Paula feared these qualities would one day wane and Jimmy's resolve would crack at the magnitude of his situation...it never did. Maybe Jimmy Brooks was just more tenatious and adept to handle something like this than most. Paula wished her other patients could learn from his example and made a note to bring the option up to him some day.

They talked genially for a few more minutes before Paula asked, "Would you like an escort?".

Jimmy chuckled and shook his head. "Naw, I think I can remember the way", he quipped, snapping off his breaks and pivoting around.

Paula inched forward, pulling up to Jimmy's side and holding her arms out for a friendly hug. The embrace was physically awkward because of the angle and the space between them that their chairs created, but the two managed. "Don't be so much of a stranger anymore Jimmy", Paula insisted sincerely.

"I won't...I promise", Jimmy vowed as he headed out of Paula's office and back down the hall to the elevators.

As the doors opened, Jimmy felt his stomach somersault again. He pushed forward, turning 180 to face forward and blindly selected a button on the control panel. Out of habit, Jimmy pushed the number four button instead of the button for the third floor...where Derek was. He immediately noticed his error when the doors opened and he saw the marker on the wall that read 'Fouth Floor-4 North'. But instead of waiting for the doors to close again and punching the number three button, Jimmy wheeled out onto the floor and headed down the familiar hallway to the right of the nurses station.

He stopped three doors down, room 403, _his _room. It was empty, and for that, Jimmy was surprisingly relieved. He peeked in a little farther. "You looking for someone Hun?", a cheerful voiced called out from behind him.

Jimmy swiveled to see a young nurse curiously smiling down at him. "Ah yeah...wrong floor though", he stammered, but flashed one of his killer smiles her way, as he manuvered around and back to the elevators.

---------------

Derek was on the third floor...that was good. While the first two floors were occupied by administration offices and therapy rooms, the three upper floor, where the patients reside, were set apart by level of disability. The third floor housed the patients with some form of mobility issues, but were mostly ambulatory, the fourth, where Jimmy stayed, was for patients with moderate disabilities that required more assistance and usually wheelchairs, and the fifth floor was occupied by those with severe disabilities and in need of around the clock nursing care.

The anxious voice of a woman could be heard clear down the west hallway, "Derek sweetie...I really wish you'd eat a little more".

"If they actually served _food_ here, maybe I would", the teenaged boy argued. "It's almost as bad as the hospital", he grumbled in addition.

"It a healthy, balanced meal", the woman pressed. "And you need all the nutrition you can get to get well again...", her voice cracked, trailing off with a loud sniffle.

Jimmy hesitated at the doorway, not wanting to bother if this was a bad time. Mrs. Haig caught a glimpse of him as she turned. Her lips pressed together in a tight line and her eyes filled with fresh tears. "You have a visitor Honey...Coach Jimmy is here", she stated, in a tone you might use when talking to a four year old. She waved Jimmy in, but had to glance away from him as her emotions got the best of her.

Jimmy tried to ignore Mrs. Haig's reaction, but it stung.

She was a very kind, but overly emotional woman at the best of times and had always given Jimmy that sad, sympathetic, motherly look, whenever she saw him...but now with her own son recovering from a broken back, in this place, the mere sight of Jimmy was just overwhelming.

"Hey man...it's good to see you", Derek called and reached out his hand for Jimmy.

"You too", Jimmy greeted sincerely and pulled up to the side of Derek's bed. "How're you feeling?".

Derek shrugged, "Not bad...".

"He's in a lot of pain", Mrs. Haig cut in sadly.

"Not so much anymore", Derek countered, then smiled slyly as he tipped his chin in Jimmy's direction. "...plus, this place gives out the good stuff".

Mrs. Haig ignored her sons comment and stepped around the discarded meal tray to the other side of Derek's bed, to fluff his pillows.

Derek batted her hands away. "Mom", he grumbled through gritted teeth. Jimmy couldn't help but smile at this. "Why don't you go get some coffee or something to eat?", Derek offered, trying not to sound too pleading. "Or better yet, why don't you go home and rest for a little bit".

"But I'm not sure when your father will be here", Mrs. Haig protested.

Jimmy could see the look of desperation on Derek's face. "I can stick around for a little while and keep Derek company", he suggested and Derek blew out a sigh of relief.

Mrs. Haig smiled at Jimmy appreciatively, but looked at him warily...as if to question how someone _like_ him would be able to take care of her sons needs, let alone his own. She had no idea just how independent Jimmy Brooks really was.

Derek noticed her hesitation. "Mom, I'll be fine", he assured her, motioning to the nurses call button on the side of his bed.

She nodded unsurely, but gathered her coat and purse. "I'll be back as soon as I can", she promised, kissing her son lightly on the forehead. "...and I'll pick up those things you asked for", her voice cracked again and Jimmy could tell she was crying again as she hurried out of the room.

Derek leaned his head back against his pillow and sighed, "I thought she'd never leave".

Jimmy chuckled lightly. "She's just worried about you man", he reasoned. "Nothin' like a tragedy to bring a family closer together".

Derek grinned. "Are you kidding man...she was like this before, only now it's worse", he stated incredulously. Jimmy shook his head unbelievingly. "Dude, she sleeps in that chair over there", Derek pointed to the uncomfortable looking recliner in the corner.

The two shared a laugh at that.

Jimmy was the first to break the strained slience that followed."So, how's everything going?", he asked, glancing around the room.

"Okay I guess", Derek answered half-heartedly. "Slower then I hoped".

Jimmy was taken aback slightly. Derek was eleven, twelve days post injury and he was already sitting up, eating solid food and heavily into rehab...Jimmy remembered still being nearly flat on his back, three weeks after the shooting when he was transferred here...and not able to do much more than just lay there.

"Therapy's a pain in the ass...literally", Derek quipped nonchalantly as he shifted off his sore tailbone, usuing the rails on his bed and his right leg slightly, to help with that task. Jimmy noticed the movement and looked over at Derek's legs. "The right one's getting a little stronger...still real wobbly and kinda tingly and the this one..", Derek paused and touched his thigh."...well, at least I can move my toes now", he boasted with a demonstration.

Jimmy smiled as Derek's toes curled under slightly. "That's great man", he congratulated genuinely, but his wistful gaze traveled down to the toes starring back up at him...the ones encased in heavy boots they couldn't feel, the ones that hadn't moved voluntarily since that day two and a half years ago...the ones that only move when someone else...his therapist, mother or Ashley, moved them for him.

"...makes me wish I was eating a burrito from the caf", Derek's laugh startled Jimmy out of his reverie.

From what Jimmy caught, he was able to tell Derek was talking about the food again. "I don't remember it being _that_ bad", he defended distractedly. "Of course it's been over a year since I've eaten here".

Derek did the math in his head. "You came back here after you were released...voluntarily?", he asked incredulously.

Jimmy laughed. "Well sorta. After I was released, I had my outpatient physio here. Then when we moved that summer, my physiotherapist started coming to my house for daily sessions, and I started going to the center she works out of for my twice a week sessions", he explained. "But I would come here to visit nurse Paula when I got the chance".

"Hey, she's the one in a chair, right?", Derek inquired.

"Most of the time, but she uses her crutches for short distances", Jimmy replied.

"So what's wrong with her?", Derek asked curiously.

Jimmy looked surprised at Derek's blatantcy. "Nothing's wrong with her...", he answered, slightly annoyed. "...she was born with a birth defect...". Derek's indifferent "Humf", cut Jimmy off. "She didn't tell you?", Jimmy questioned, knowing nurse Paula was the most open, frank person in this place...and had always made the effort to stop in his room to talk with him, at least on the days she worked.

"Nope, we hardly ever talk...I don't think she likes me", Derek shrugged casually.

"That's impossible, Nurse Paula likes everyone", Jimmy maintained firmly.

Derek seemed bored with the subject and reached over to grab the plastic cup of juice from his lunch tray. "Do you want me to...", Jimmy started to ask, unlocking his breaks in the process but Derek waved him off.

Jimmy watched. Derek appeared to have good abdominal strength by the way he was leaning and stretching, but it could have been the support from the back brace that he was wearing. "You want something?", Derek asked as he settled himself again.

"No man, I'm fine", Jimmy replied, searching his chair for the water bottle he'd forgotten was wedged in the corner of his seat. Jimmy took a few long sips, he hadn't even realized he was so thirsty until the bottle was empty, and with that realization came the fact that what goes in, must come out. Even without looking at the time, Jimmy sensed it was time for his scheduled routine. "You mind if I...", he trailed off, motioning toward the bathroom.

"Not at all", Derek answered. "Be careful though...you might get lost in there, that room is huge", he called out jokingly. Jimmy agreed sullenly. From a vertical standpoint, the bathroom would seem overly spacious and rediculously maneuverable...but for someone shaped like a box, it was just the right size.

----------------

From the other side of the door, Jimmy could here the sound of another boisterous voice in the room, which could only mean that Derek had another visitor, or got a roommate.

"Hey man, you finally came", Danny greeted noisly when the bathroom door opened and Jimmy wheeled out. Jimmy nodded and smiled. Danny turned back to Derek. "Dude, I saw your dad in the lobby...he was talking to that crippled nurse that doesn't like you", he warned.

"See?", Derek said pointedly to Jimmy.

Jimmy swallowed the lump in his throat..._that _word shouldn't really bother him, he used it all the time when referring to himself...but for some reason, cringed every time someone with two perfectly good legs, used it.

"He had a big shopping bag with him", Danny to Derek excitedly.

"You don't think they...", he gasped in wonder. Danny nodded exaggeratedly, Derek smiled wickedly and Jimmy looked confused.

"The dude says he's bored and his parents go out and buys him a new video game system", Danny stated incredulously. "How's that for luck?". Jimmy visibly stiffened.

"But they already have a game system in the common room", Jimmy stated, just now noticing the new flat screen tv sitting on the dresser behind him...the room came with a mounted unit on the wall.

"Yeah, one I'd have to share with the other seventeen people on this floor", Derek grimaced, the only child in him, clearly coming out. He turned to face Jimmy. "Dude, your parents are loaded...I bet you got loads of cool things when you were here".

Jimmy couldn't believe what he was hearing...this was a rehabilitation center, not a resort. "Um, yeah...I had some things here to keep me entertained", he snipped. "But there wasn't too much free time...my days were pretty busy". _Yeah, just relearning how to dress myself, sit up and roll over took a lot outta me. _Jimmy was starting to feel the tension creep up between his shoulders.

"Dude, I almost forgot", Danny exclaimed, grabbing the brand new lap top that was sitting on side table, and booting it up. "I took the tape from Ms. H's office and downloaded the stunt on our blog and on YouStar...you wouldn't believe the hits and comments we're getting".

"Man, that's awesome", Derek laughed, quickly glancing over his long list of e-mails and get well wishes. "It's like we're famous".

Jimmy remembered the headlines..._ Rampage at Degrassi community school_. _Basketball star's future still uncertain..._What it was like to be 'famous'.

"I've been updating the blog every week, but these people can't enough...especially the girls", Danny stated, wagging his brow suggestively. The two friends yelled out there trademark..."Hoo oh".

"Dude, when my dad comes up, I'm gonna ask if he'll buy me a video camera, then we can update live from here and keep the fans happy", Derek announced excitedly.

"We can document your progress", Danny, was already planning it out in his head.

Derek smirked, "Yeah, and set up a count down for my big return".

Jimmy couldn't take any more, he had to get out of this room...this place. "Um Derek, I'm gonna get going", he sputtered, struggling to shove his arms back into the coat that was hanging over the back of his chair.

"Yeah sure Jim...thanks for coming", Derek waved distractedly, too absorbed in the computer screen to even look up.

Jimmy's head throbbed and his arms ached as he pushed powerfully off of the elevator and through the doors...not even bothering to stop and sign out on the visitors log.

------------------

OMG...I so did not intend for this chap to be so long(it was actually longer, but I omitted a few things(like whole paragraphs) to keep the content at a readable length. I don't want anyone to get bored with my ramblings, so I try to keep it informative, yet fairly concise.

I've always liked nurse Paula and thought it would be fun to incorporate her(especially since Jimmy seemed so close with her in Secret pt.2). I wasn't sure what her disability was, so I guessed...and I'm pretty much winging it with Derek too, so it fits my storyline better. Hope I'm not offending anyone in any way, that's never my intention. As for my Jimmy-boy, I really love exploring this other side of him...the angsty one we don't usually get to see... and there will be much more of that to come.

Thank you to...lilfiftyfour and Sunshyne08 for their reviews. Hope you guys enjoy this one too.

Degrassi is not mine.


	4. Independently dependent

My note…I skipped forward a few weeks in this chapter to build up for what's to come. I'm really happy with this chapter…there's a lot of tension, both visible and implied. It was an draining (two)chapter(s) to write…trying to get all of the characters(I've got the whole gang and then some, in this chap and the next) _in_ character. I hope I did a good job...please let me know.

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 4: INDEPENDENTLY DEPENDENT

Ashley was glad when Jimmy decided to finally go and see Derek, and the visit seemed to do him a world of good. When she called Jimmy that night, to ask him how it went, he said that everything went fine. "Oh you know….same old Derek", he finished dismissively and quickly dropped the subject. What Ashley wasn't there to see, was Jimmy's his jaw tense up or him try to calm his breathing as he answered her questions.

She wasn't there to watch Jimmy pace anxiously around the house later that night. She never saw a frustrated Jimmy throw his sketchbook across his bedroom when inspiration just wouldn't come to him. Or the disstressed Jimmy sitting out in the cold, shooting basket after basket from the dirveway, until well after midnight. She wasn't there to witness the insomnia that plagued Jimmy when he finally hauled his weary body into bed, or the countless nightmares that roused him from his fitfull sleep.

No, all Ashley saw the next day, was the happy-go-lucky, everything's just peachy, nothing bothers me, Jimmy Brooks she was used to. There was no reason to wonder how this was affecting him, Jimmy was back to his old self.

As the weeks went on, the focus on Derek and the accident faded. Sure, his name came up in a conversation every once in a while, but not to often. And even though Jimmy never contributed to these little snippets, Ashley didn't think anything of it. Things were finally looking like they were getting back to normal and for all intents and purposes...they were.

It was now well into April, spring was officially here. The constant snow and cold were gone...for good, graduation was just around the corner and Jimmy had finally recieved the one piece of independence he'd been waiting over two years for...his own car.

It was a brand new, black Lexus GX...his fathers suggestion, of course. And who was Jimmy to argue...but he actually did, and quite frequently to be exact. His parents were adamant that they would be the ones footing the bill for their son's vehicle, and Jimmy refused to take this handout from them. He wanted to be the one to choose and pay for his own car, citing that he'd be turning twenty in seven months and leaving for college in just four.

His parents still won out in the end.

Jimmy did, however, only agreed to their offer after he firmly stipulated that all adaptations the car required, come out of his pocket with the income he was making from his cut of the t-shirt business...and a compromise was reached.

Jimmy reluctantly conceded to his father, even though he actually liked the model, one down from this one, a little more. It was a little closer to sedan height and would have been easier for him to get in and out of without the assistance of the turning automotive seat his current vehicle required, but Mr. Brooks wanted something a little roomier and with more options.

Again, Jimmy gave in.

-----------------

The spring days were filled with the same old routine...classes during the day, work at the shop in the evening...throw in daily lunch time physio sessions for Jimmy, a few after school choir practices for Ashley, add the weeked...and you could call it a week.

It was usually mass chaos in the store every Saturday and Sunday, with wall to wall poeple. Everyone was pulling doubles...Ashley and Ellie at the registers, Paige and Marco working the floor and Jimmy and Spinner in the back stock room, trying to keep up with the demand. Toby and Liberty came around frequently, to bring lunches and fill in so the others could take their breaks.

Out of the blue, the gang decided to take a much needed fieldtrip, to break up the monotony of their every day lives. They choose a particular afternoon to plan for a baseball game because Jimmy, Ashley and Spinner only had a half day at Degrassi and Marco, Ellie and Paige didn't have any classes on that Friday. Spinner had promised his 'friend of a friend' could get them as many tickets as they needed, and that those tickets would be waiting in will call for them.

So, on this unseasonably warm and sunny day...the group, the usual six, plus Alex, met up at the university house and filed into Jimmy's car, heading out for the Rogers Centre.

"Now aren't you glad you went with the bigger model?", Ashley asked Jimmy from the passener side of his car.

Jimmy nodded and smiled. "Yeah I guess", he resigned jokingly as he turned expertly onto the side street. Jimmy would never admit it outright, but his father had been absolutely right, this car was the perfect match for him...dependable, safe, classy and roomy enough to fit himself and his six friends...there was even room for one more, with his chair was stowed away in the trunk.

Spinner started to fidget with excitement as they neared the ball park. "God, it's been forever since I've been to a baseball game", Ellie exclaimed, equally excited.

"No kidding", Jimmy chuckled. "I think the last time I was here was when Spin's parents brought us all out here for his thirteenth birthday.

Spinner looked at him incredulously, "No way?". Jimmy nodded in reply.

"That's the last time I was here", Ashley pipped in.

"Me too", Paige added.

"Guys, that is totally pitiful", Spinner replied astonishedly.

"What can I say man, baseball was never really my game", Jimmy defended lightly. "Now basketball's another story...my dad and I used to have season tickets for the Raptors...center court, third row...".

"Yeah man, what ever happened with that?", Spinner asked curiously, the question immediately silenced the buzz of conversation that was streaming through the car, replacing it with a deafening awkwardness. Spin caught a quick glimpse of Jimmy's emotive eyes in the rear view mirror, before they turned back to the road in front of him.

Spinner didn't speak again until they were sitting in the mass of cars, waiting to get into a parking lot. "Dude, over there...there's a ton of parking", he pointed out to the lot just ahead.

"Spin, that lot's for cars with a special parking passes", Marco stated, motioning to the color coated tags stuck to the winshields of those particular cars.

"Damn, I knew I shoulda asked Brad if his buddy had any parking passes", Spinner groaned, berating himself for that stupid mistake.

Jimmy grinned. "No worry's Spin...we've got a parking pass of our own", he replied, following the direction of the traffic cop waving him on. Jimmy pulled into the lot closest to the stadium and followed the maze to the rows of vacant handicapped parking spaces.

Ashley stepped around to the trunk to assemble Jimmy's chair as the driver's seat lowered him so that he was just about even with it. He'd just completed the transfer and was waiting for the seat to accend back up into it's previous position, when Spinner came around and clapped him on the shoulder. "Dude, this is so awesome", Spinner exclaimed as looked at their proximity to the main entrance. They both laughed as they looked back over their shoulders to the 'special pass' parking lot behind him.

The gang crossed the few yards between the car and the ticket booth in a matter of minutes. Spinner walked ahead to pick up the tickets while Paige stopped the rest of the group at a designated 'photo spot' to snap a few candid pics with her phone.

"Toby and Liberty said they'll be here in about ten minutes", Ashley stated as she snapped her phone shut and slipped it back into her purse.

Jimmy looked up at Ashley. "They looking for parking?", he asked innocently.

"No, walking the six blocks from the lot they paid twenty five dollars to park in", she chuckled in reply.

"Ouch", Marco grimaced.

"They could've come with us...", Jimmy pondered, light-heartedly. "...but then Toby would've had to sit in the trunk with my chair". That remark earned him a playful slap on the shoulder from Ashley. Jimmy retaliated and pulled her down onto his lap, dipping her to the side for a kiss.

Spinner walked toward them, looking like a kid who had just knocked over a candy store. "Four rows up from the field, right over the dug out", he boasted as he fanned out the tickets in his hand and kissed them. "First base side, Section 107, row D, seats one thru ten", he added and began handing the tickets out to his friends.

Ashley looked at the seeting chart posted on the wall behind her. "Ah Spin...where are our tickets?", she asked cautiously.

Spinner looked down at the remaining six tickets in his hand, then back up at Ashley...and Jimmy. His faced blanched as he realized this error. "Jimmy man, I'm so sorry...".

Jimmy slienced Spinner's attempted apology with a raised hand. "It's fine Spin...we'll get our own tickets", Ashley spoke for him, then turned toward the ticket booth.

Jimmy forced an awkward smile to his friends and headed after Ashley. "Here Ash...use my card", he called out to her.

"What the hell was that Spinner?", Paige scolded, hands on hips, lips qwirked. Spinner threw his hands up in resignation.

"Dude, don't you remember what we had to do when we all went to Dylan's hockey games?", Marco asked incredulously.

Ellie finished for him. "Yeah, we always got the seats right off the mezzine, so Jimmy and Ash would be sitting right behind us and we could all be together", she stated, disappointed that her best friends would now be sitting over thirty rows behind them, in God knows what section.

"I said I was sorry", Spinner replied defensively, aggrivated that everyone was picking on him. "This was such a great deal that I couldn't pass it up...", he paused momentarily. "...I guess I just forgot...".

"Forgot?", Alex choked out through a sarcastic laugh.

Spinner hung his head down in shame and sighed, just as Liberty and Toby met up to them. "Hey guys", Toby greeted a little nervously, still amazed he and his girlfriend were hanging out with_ the it _group. Spinner tossed two tickets his way and stalked off to buy a program.

"Nice of you two to finally make it", Ashley teased her step-brother from behind. Toby smiled back at her.

"We're all set", Jimmy announced and Ashley nodded affirmitively. Spinner walked back over and offered Jimmy one of the two programs he was holding, most likely in compensation for the ticket snafu. Jimmy reluctantly accepted the unnecessary gift, placing on it his lap as he pushed forward. "So, what're you gonna do with the extra tickets?", he asked Spinner casually, hoping his tone reflected that he harbored no hard feelings for his best friend over this.

Spinner shrugged and frowned. "I guess I'll just eat the loss", he answered disherarteningly, much more upset about the oversight than he was over the few bucks the tickets cost him.

"You've got extra tickets?", Liberty asked curiously.

Spinner nodded. "Three actually", he replied. "Why, you know somebody who'll want to buy 'em?".

"Yeah, my brother", Liberty stated. "Derek just got out of rehab earlier this week and Danny said he literally climbing up the walls, he's so bored".

"Sure, call him up. If they can be here before the game starts, the tickets are theirs", Spinner advised. Liberty smiled appreciatively as she punched in Derek's phone number. "And tell him they can have 'em for free. It'll be my welcome home gift for Derek".

Jimmy slowed when he heard Spinner say Derek's name as he was passing. "What's up man?", he asked Spinner.

Jimmy motioned with his chin towards Liberty and Toby answered before Spinner could. "Spinner's giving the last three tickets to Danny, Derek and Derek's buddy", he explained happily. "As like a welcome home, first outing after the accident...kinda thing".

"That was really nice of you Spinner", Ashley said genuinely. "Isn't that great Jimmy?", she asked, turning her attention to her boyfriend.

"Yeah...great", Jimmy responded with a nod and pushed off into the lead...first the tickets, now this? "Just great".

----------------

The group waited around the front of the stadium for Danny and Derek to arrive. "Dude, can't you just leave the tickets in will call, so they can pick 'em up when they get here", Jimmy asked anxiously as he rocked back and forth.

"You already got your tickets man...you wanna go inside...go", Spinner stated with an indifferent shrug. "But we're gonna stay out here until they come".

"I'll create a much bigger effect if we're all standing out here to greet them", Liberty added studiously.

Jimmy quietly snorted. _Standing?, _he thought ironically. "If I'da had more notice, I would've painted a welcome sign", he quipped sarcastically.

The group chuckled at Jimmy's apparent playfullness. Ashley glanced at him quizzically, momentarily having a hard time reading his sincerity...but in the end, brushed it off.

The crowds around them were buzzing as they filed into the building. Ashley noticed, more than heard Jimmy's fingers rhythmically drumming on the rims of his chair. She immediately glanced at her watch. "We can go in if you want to", she offered after she noted the time.

"Yeah um...we kinda_ have _to", he aswered quietly and pivoted around. The line for the elevator on this side of the building, was growing long. If they wanted to use the bathroom, which it was nearly time for, pick up something to eat and get settled before the game started...they'd have to get moving now.

Just as they turned for the elevators, a loud "Ho ooh", stopped them in their tracks. Jimmy spun aroud to see three familiar kids crossing the parking lot...Danny, Derek and a kid from the basketball team named Kyle.

He held tightly onto a four prong, or 'quad' cane and his left leg was encased to the knee, with a plastic leg brace. His limp was pronouced and his gait was slow, but Derek Haig was definitely walking toward them...and smiling from ear to ear.

The group enclosed in on Derek with questions and well wishes. Jimmy stayed off to the side to observe. The scene reminded him of the day he came back to Degrassi after his four and a half month absence. How his friends were all outside, waiting for him on the front steps. How there genuine smiles faded a little as the doors to the bus opened and they saw him, some of them for the first time, sitting in his chair. That was not the case today, there were no sympathetic smiles or sideways glances...no, there was no pity for Derek Haig.

"Dude, you got the special parking too, I see", Spinner teased, nudging Derek with his elbow and nodding his head back over toward the parking lot.

Derek grinned wickedly. "That thing is awesome man...not only do I get a premium spot, but we got a discount on parking too", he laughed and turned to Jimmy. "Right Jim? Just hang the little thingy from the mirror and it's a free pass", he joked.

"Mine's permanent...stamped on my plates", Jimmy answered simply.

"Hey yeah, Toby said you got your own car", Derek changed the subject. "Congratulations man".

Jimmy gave a genuine smile in an acknowledgement, but that faded as soon as Danny opened his big mouth. "Dude, you drive one of those cars with a joystick thing instead of pedals, right?", he blurted insensitively.

"Yeah..", Jimmy sighed irritatedly. "...and they're called hand controls".

"Whatever", Danny shrugged indifferently. "Dude, your parents should get you one of those so I won't have to be your Chauffeur anymore and you could still get the good parking spaces".

This made Jimmy cringe and his blood run cold. He uncounsiously began rubbing the tightening muscles in his neck.

"Danny, there's nothing wrong with my right leg, it's just a little week. I'm just not able to drive because _my mom _says I'm not ready", Derek explained, shaking his head exasperatedly.

Another round of light chuckles could be heard again...from all but one. "Well, we probably should go in an get our seats", Marco urged everyone along.

"Yeah, I'm starving", Spinner announced.

"And I have to pee", Paige added dramatically.

"Yeah, no kidding", Derek snickered and looked over at Danny. "The dude wouldn't stop so I could make a pit stop".

"I didn't want to be late for the game", Danny feigned innocence.

"Man you know I'm not as fast as I used to be", Derek protested playfully as he hobbled after the now moving group. Jimmy and Ashley veered to the left, where the elevators were located as the others were heading to the right, for the pedestrian walk-up ramp.

"Dude we can hitch a ride with them", Danny proposed slyly, flicking his chin in the direction of Jimmy and Ashley.

"You need to have an authorized pass on your ticket to ride the elevator", Jimmy said, curtly...without even looking over his shoulder.

"Or you can get a validation stamp, over at the ticket booth", Ashley added helpfully.

"Yeah, but they're pretty strict", Jimmy warned.

Danny looked over at the four booths in question. "Dude, go to the one with the girl...", he advised laughingly and gently guided Derek to the first one. "...the gimp excuse always works so well on the honeys".

Ashley gasped audibly, shocked at Danny's crassness. She laid her hand, almost protectively on Jimmy's shoulder, as if to shield him from those hurtful words. But she couldn't, and the words cut through him like a knife.

They waited in silence for the elevator, Ashley standing behind Jimmy. She glanced over at the couple on their right, an elderly man pushing a lady of about the same age in a wheelchair, her walker hanging on the handles behind her. Danny and Derek came up to the other side of Jimmy, laughing and joking about how easy it was to get the pass. Ashley was becoming annoyed with the young Van Zandt, so she graciously waved the couple in first when the elevator doors opened, and her and Jimmy followed.

"It's a little snug in here", Ashley fibbed slightly, there was actually more than enough room for two more. "...I'm sure you guys can catch the next one", she shrugged innocently, wiggling her fingers with mock flirtation, as the doors closed.

---------------------

Okay, this storyline will be cotinued in the next chapter. I had to cut it short, not because of my previous rant, but because I figured it would work better with the next installmant...which should be up by Wednesday.

I just have to say...I was **SO** disappointed with the season 7 premiere. It really sucked...really bad. Sorry if this angers anyone, this is only my personal opinion. The only saving grace(in my book), were the Toby scenes...and even those were pretty limited. So, my rant is...NO ASH, I can't believe it...no Ash(?)...not even in the credits(?), two seconds, maybe three, of Jimmy and Spinner(?), and SquatchWear going under(?)...what the hell is going on? Maybe next week will be better...one can only hope.

Degrassi is not mine...if it were, Standing in the Dark would have been much different(and hopefully better). Oh and I don't own the Toronto Blue Jays or a Lexus GX...but a poor, starving(okay, I'm neither destitute or hungry, but you get the picture) dance major can dream...can't she.


	5. Play ball

My note…this chapter will be the start of the culmination of everything that happened in the previous four. It's relatively short(compared to the other) and still a little vague(and by vague, I mean it's still building...so if it's boring to anyone, I'm so sorry). I have to admit though, it's been fun playing around with Jimmy's character and working so slowly to reveal why he's acting the way that he is. But don't worry, it should all make sense in the next chapter(which is the last, btw).

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 5: PLAY BALL

Ashley waited in the concession line, while Jimmy went to find their seats. The words that Danny had uttered a few minutes, all but forgotten. She was focusing on what to order, this was after all, her and Jimmy's first baseball game together in almost six years...and Ashley wanted to make it perfect. She finally decided to order one of each of their favorites, along with something they'd both love. The man in front of her walked off, and Ashley stepped up to the counter with a smile on her face and a twenty in her hand. "What can I get for ya, Miss?".

Jimmy pushed down the concourse, wheels humming on the ground beneath him...and he smiled. I was a beautiful day for a baseball game and he was determined to enjoy it.

It was a little difficult trying to maneuver in and out of crowd without Ashley there in front of him to lead the way, but Jimmy managed, making a short detour to the restroom directly across from their seats. As he exited, a friendly stadium worker stopped Jimmy to offer any assistance, he thanked the man, but declined. Holding up his ticket, he motioning straight ahead and the man walked away.

Just before Jimmy was about to attempt to cross, Ellie ran over and gave him a small hug from behind. "Where're you guys at", she asked, letting a hand linger on his shoulder for added comfort. Ellie knew she wasn't the only one disappointed with the current seating arrangements.

"Straight ahead", Jimmy nodded in reply, over to the spot that could almost be seen through the blur of people hustling by.

"Cool, we're right down there...just to the left", she stated cheerfully.

"Yeah, I know", Jimmy chuckled, causing Ellie to blush at her foolishness. Of course he knew, he saw the tickets they had...and most likely, requested seats that were as close to his friends as possible.

Jimmy was able to make out Spinner's big head over the crowds, as he walked toward them. "Hey James", Paige called out as she lead the group down the steps.

"Enjoy the game", Alex called out next. Marco gave a small salute and followed Alex. Spinner kept his head down, only glancing over his shoulder once to look at Jimmy, before the guilt hit him again and he jogged slowly to catch up with the others.

Ellie unconsciously gave Jimmy's shoulder a slight squeeze. He smiled up at her and patted her hand lightly, and Ellie smiled back. "So, you think if Paige and Alex's making out gets to be too much for me, or if the boys get too annoying...I could come up here and hang out with you and Ash?", she asked sweetly.

"Yeah, me too", Liberty quipped in a teasing, yet serious tone, as she and Toby passed the two on their way to the consession stands.

Jimmy laughed. "Yeah sure, that'll be great", he agreed, knowing that the two extra seats in their section would probably not be occupied, due to the fact that the stadium usually tried to sell the accessible seating, by package...one section per guest. Ellie's grin widened and she quickly kissed the top of Jimmy's head before heading down herself.

Jimmy inched forward, watching Ellie until she disappeared from view. He cautiously proceeded, feeling like he was playing a game of chicken. He caught a glimpse of a girl, talking animatedly on her cell phone, coming straight at him...he move quickly to avoid her, but she ended up nearly tripping over the back of his right wheel. "Hey, watch where your going", she yelled and gave him a dirty look.

"Yeah, you too", Jimmy mumbled under his breath.

"...no nothing, just some guy in a wheelchair trying to run me over", she said to whomever was on the other end of her phone.

"Sorry", he apologized sarcastically, as she started to walk away, but the girl just ignored him and giggled into her cell phone as she left.

Jimmy jerked his chair roughly, trying to find that small gap that would allow him to ease into the alloted spot for wheelchair users. He didn't notice the carelessly discarded cup laying on the ground in front of him, couldn't tell when the toe of his shoe bumped into it and had't realised he'd wheeled right through the spilled contents...until it was too late.

Jimmy lifted his hands from the wet, rims of his chair and sighed. Sure, he was in his designated spot, but now his hands were sticky and filthy, and the bathroom was a good five meters behind him. There was no way Jimmy was going to fight the crowds again, to wash his hands...only to pass through the puddle again, on his way back.

"What happened to you?", Ashley giggled in question, as she came around the other way, so Jimmy wouldn't have to move.

Jimmy held his hands up in defeat and shrugged. "Rolled through a puddle or something...must've splashed up on my rims", he replied frustratedly.

"What kind of puddle?", Ashley teased questionably and wrinkled her nose as she glanced quickly in the direction of the bathroom she knew Jimmy had recently come from.

Jimmy's lips quirked up slightly...Ashley always had a way of making him feel better. "Pop or juice, I guess", he answered, noting the mild lemony scent in the air.

Ashley nodded playfully and got right down to work. She laid the tray full of food on Jimmy's lap, took each cup from the other tray and slipped them into the built-in cup holders on the back of the seats in front of them, before taking her own seat to rifle through her purse. Once she found what she was looking for, Ashley reached into the net under Jimmy's chair and found the spare towel he kept in the front pouch. She pulled it out along with his water bottle.

Ashley stood up and backed Jimmy up a little. "Here, gimme your hands", she ordered, squirting some soap onto his palms from the little bottle she had in her purse. Jimmy lathered and Ashley rinsed, then turned her attention to his wheels while he dried, pouring the rest of the water over them.

"Thanks", Jimmy said greatfully and pulled her down for a kiss. Ashley offered Jimmy some some of the anti-bacterial gel she was using when she sat back down in her seat. He didn't think he needed it, but used it anyway...it smelled like Ashley and Jimmy loved her scent. He smiled to himself and wondered what else she had hidden in that giant purse of hers. He knew she always carried some of the necesseties he required, in case he ran out...soap, hand sanitizer, moist towelettes, bottled water...hell, Jimmy wouldn't be all that surprised if Ashley had a stash of his meds in there too, for emergencies.

Jimmy was interrupted from his thoughts, by a hand reaching into his lap. "Hey Ashley, no groping your boyfriend at the ballfield", Danny called out from behind them.

"Very funny Danny", Ashley returned playfully, looking over her shoulder. "Where's your better half?", she asked, as she began to divvy up the food between her and Jimmy.

"Left him in the john to wash his hands", he motioned over his shoulder toward the restroom. "Dude peed a solid stream for like ten minutes".

"It was more like thirty seconds", Derek defended from behind. "And I told you I had to go, before we got here".

Ashley rolled her eyes at their brotherly banter, taking her pretzel off the tray and leaving Jimmy his hotdog and the nachos to share.

"Dude, that's what we should do before we go sit", Danny suggested, motioning to the couples food.

"Yeah but if you're carrying the food, who's gonna help me down the stairs?", Derek asked incredulously. "It's like thirty steps down man...cement steps...:.I've barely mastered the four wooden steps in rehab all by myself and those have a mat under them in case I fall".

Danny chuckled. "Sure, there you have a pretty therapist to help you, and at home you have mommy", he teased.

"Exactly", Derek snickered back, then turned his attention to Jimmy. "Hey man...maybe we could sit up here with you two", he suggested hopefully, nodding over to the two vacant seats next to Ashley.

"Ah actually, they're already taken", Jimmy answered shortly, overting his eyes down to the bustling field.

"That's alright", Danny sighed resignedly. "C'mon old man...I'll walk you down, hand you over to Kyle, then come back up to get us some food", he waved Derek on and took the first step in front of him.

Jimmy watched their slow descent, Derek using his cane, Danny's arm and his 'good' right leg, to make down to their seats...what should _his _seats, and sitting with _his _friends.

Ashley smiled at Jimmy as she broke off a piece of her pretzel, just as the announcement was made for everyone to, "Please rise for the singing of the Canadian and American national anthems".

Ashley dipped the piece of pretzel in the nacho cheese as she stood up. "Oh shoot, the cheese is cold now", she mumbled, mid-chew. Jimmy glanced up at her then down at he food...it really didn't matter to him, he just wasn't very hungry anymore.

-------------------

Bottom of the ninth, two outs, two men on base, and the Bluejays were down 5-3. "Omigod, I can't watch", Ellie squealed and covered her eyes with her hands. Sometime between the fourth and fifth innings, she had polietly excused herself from the group below, to go to the restroom...and never came back. She had the unfortunate displeasure of sitting between Danny and Kyle for the first four innings and couldn't take anymore.

Jimmy laughed at Ellie's anxiousness. "Relax El, it's just a game", he teased, taking a piece out, then passing the bag of red licorice they were sharing, over to Ashley.

The crack of the bat and the gasp from Ellie alerted Jimmy to look up, but when he did, all he could see was what brand of jeans the gentleman in front of him was wearing. He leaned to his left, to look around the man, just in time to see the huddle at home plate. "Home run", Ashley beamed excitedly as she glanced down at Jimmy.

"Yeah, I got that", he replied curtly. Jimmy sighed heavily, frustrated with himself for sounding so pissy toward his girlfriend."I caught it on the replay", he quickly amended, when he noticed how his tone caused Ashley's smile to fade.

Ashley and Ellie settled back into their seats and the three started up a comfortable conversation while they waited for the crowds to clear. It would be an absolute joke it they tried to make their way to the elevators now.

"Pardon me", Danny's loud voice could be heard from somewhere on the steps.

"Excuse us", Kyle spoke next, his voice giddy with laughter.

"A little consideration people...handicapped patron comin' through", Danny again, they were definitely moving up. "Geeze man, do you not see the cripple behind you", he scolded as he pushed his way easily through the parting crowd and into the row right in front of where Jimmy, Ashley and Ellie were. Derek filed in next, followed by Kyle. They all sunk down into the seats and erupted into laughter.

"That was wild, man", Derek gasped through the chuckles.

"Yeah did you see it? That line just parted like the red sea", he boasted in reply, demonstrating with his hads for effect.

"Couldn't you just've waited for the crowds to die down, like everyone else?", Ellie asked sarcastically.

"Hey Ellie, I thought you left", Derek blurted out of no where.

"Sure we _could_ have...", Danny asked incredulously. "...but why _should_ we, when we got the gimp ticket right here with us", he finished and slapped his best friend on the shoulder, Derek beamed proudly.

Jimmy stiffened, fists balled, jaw clenched. Ashley could tell that remark bothered Jimmy...it bothered her too. Before, Jimmy was always able to brush off Danny's behavior...chalking it up to him just being an ignorant little pain in the ass...but now, every single word seemed to burn right through him. "Danny", she scolded mildly.

"What's the little twerp up to now?", Liberty asked as she, Toby, Paige, Alex and Marco slid into the row in front of Danny, Kyle and Derek, they leaned on the backs of the seats in front of them, so they could face the rest of the group. Spinner climbed all the way up and stood next to Jimmy, but the crowd was getting a little pushy, so Ashley forfieted her seat to him, in exchange for her favorite spot...on Jimmy's lap.

"So where to next, people?", Alex questioned, the sly smirk on her face showing she was in the mood to party.

"The parking lot and then home...well, as soon as we can make a break for the exit", Jimmy joked, good-naturedly.

"C'mon Jimmy, it's Friday", Paige pleaded, shimming her shoulders suggestively.

"Yeah, it's Friday afternoon at rush hour, even if we tried to get home now, it would probably end up looking something like that...", Toby pointed to the shuffling mass inching across the concourse.

"Yeah man...and I'm starving", Spinner groaned miserably, holding his stomach for emphasis.

"Spin, you're always starving", Marco teased playfully.

"Then let's go get something to eat", Liberty stated, looking around for confirmation from the others. They all nodded affirmatively...except for Jimmy.

Derek noticed Jimmy's hesitation. "So, whada ya say Jimmy?", he asked eagerly, hoping his mentor would come, but Spinner stepped in first.

"He doesn't have much of a choice...", Spin paused to chuckle and threw his arm over Jimmy's shoulder, nudging him violently. "...we all came with him, and majority rules, right?". With that, there was some light chuckles and soft laughter from the peanut gallery.

Jimmy's lips twisted into an irritated smirked as he slowly shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. "What're we waiting for then", he muttered, patting Ashley's thigh, as a signal she needed to get up and lead the way out.

-------------------

The pizza parlor was swarming...apparently, everyone else who was in the greater downtown Toronto area had the same idea to grab something to eat while they waited for the traffic to die down.

"Wait's forty-five minutes to an hour for a party this big", Marco said dejectely as he walked back over to the waiting group.

"That long?", Jimmy groaned.

"We don't mind waiting", Alex answered for her and Paige.

"I'm not leaving here without my pizza", Spinner insisted.

"Well, I've got nothing better to do", Ellie shrugged indifferently.

Danny put his arm around Derek. "Yeah, and Tiny Tim here doesn't hafta be home 'til...what, eight o'clock?". Derek made a face and grumbled something incoherently. "Oh yeah, I forgot...eight o'clock is you _bed time_", Danny continued his teasing.

Derek smacked Danny hard across the back of the head. "Dude...don't make me use this on you", he warned playfully, holding up his cane like a sabre. Danny grabbed the foot of the cane that started a tugging match. Derek was trying to keep his balance, but it was getting hard...Danny was not taking it easy on him.

"Okay you two, that's enough", Ashley scolded, plucking the cane from both of their hands and setting it down next to Derek...out of Danny's reach.

Derek smiled appreciatively at Ashley and grabbed solidly onto the handle of his cane as he shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Damn, I really need to sit down", he whined, rubbing his, left backside.

Every single seat seemed to be occupied. Derek leaned down, far enough to be in ear shot of just Jimmy. "Dude, you're lucky you never have to worry about finding a seat", he joked, then quickly turned to the sound of Danny calling his name, without even resistering Jimmy's reaction.

"...we could probably ask someone to move. I mean, what's more noble than giving you seat up to a cripple", Jimmy heard Danny ramble on.

"Or man, you could always park your ass on Jimmy's lap", Spinner suggested laughingly. "...it's works just fine for Ash".

"What's just fine for Ash?", she asked turning on her heel to face the guys when she heard mention of her name over the noise of the crowed room.

"Nothing", Jimmy spat, talking over Spinner's reply of "Jimmy's lap". Ashley wrinkled her face in confusion as she tried to understand the discussion she'd been thrown into. She looked at Jimmy for any clues and after assessing that he seemed to be okay with it, she stepped back into the conversation she was having with the girls.

Sure, on the outside, Jimmy looked just fine...but on the inside, the defensive wall he'd built up over the past two and a half years, was only one brick away from crumbling.

---------------------

So there. Wow, did I get a lot accomplished yesterday...gotta love those three day weekends. This story should be complete by the end of the week. I may(and I stress the may) have then next story up as early as tomorrow, but definitely by the weeks end. I really want to get it started before that storyline airs on the actual episode those promos came from.

My thanks to the one and only lilfiftyfour, who was my one and only reviewer for the last chap...thanks Hun!

Neither Degrassi or the Toronto BlueJays belong to me.


	6. Questions and answers

My note…I was actually going to post this first part of the story in the last chapter, but I wanted the entire build up and subsequent fallout to flow as one. This was an emotionally draining chapter to write, I really wanted to get Jimmy's feelings and emotions, as well as his dialogue, honest and true….without him seeming overly dramatic or self-pitying. That's not who he is, but he is only human….and that's what I felt I needed to express. Hope I did a good job.

DEATH OR GLORY

CHAPTER 6: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Danny and Derek bantered back and forth for a few minutes before Kyle interrupted them with a suggestion. "Why don't you work your magic again with the honeys?".

"Yeah man, you said yourself that the gimp card always works with them….", Danny grinned devilishly. "…see if it'll work at getting us to our table a little quicker".

Derek smirked wickedly and nodded, then limped heavily over to the hostess, holding onto Danny's extended arm for 'support'. Jimmy watched as Derek told his story of woe to the young lady. He could see the looks of sympathy and small shy smiles she was giving him. Derek flirted with her for a bit, before Danny finally pointed in the direction of the group they were with. The girl turned her head and scanned them all quickly with her eyes, then looked back at Derek and gave him a huge genuine smile. With a nod of her head, she scooped up some menus, slashed out something on the paper in front of her and waved for them all to follow.

"I thought you said it was gonna be a long wait", a bewildered Ellie directed toward Marco, as they shuffled after the hostess.

He shrugged, confused himself..."That's what they told me".

The young hostess turned and smiled once she reached the huge u-shaped booth at the back of the restaurant. "This is an exclusive table for special party's only", she giggled slightly and blushed when she looked over at Derek. "I hope it's okay".

Danny grinned at her, pleased with the results of their theatrics. "It's perfect", he assured her, slipping into the booth followed by Derek and Kyle.

It wasn't until Paige and Spinner moved forward, that the girl finally saw Jimmy. She reacted with a gasp and covered her mouth in embarrassment."Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you...um I didn't see that...", she stammered apologetically when she realized that the table she had seated them at was up on a riser and that Jimmy came about chin level with the table top from his position in his chair.

"It's fine...I can manage", he assured her, before really assesing the height. Ashley on the other hand, had already sized up the difference...and bit her lip nervously when she did.

Derek was about to slide out of the booth. "Dude, we can get another table if you...".

"No really...I'm good", Jimmy reiterated insistently. He tugged gently on Ashley sleeve, pulling her down slightly. "Would you go in first?", he asked softly, figuring he had to do this in front of an audience anyway, at least it would be better if someone who knew how to help was there, in case he ran into any difficulties.

She nodded, smiling genuinely as she slid into the booth next to Ellie. Jimmy hurridly pulled up alongside the booth...he wanted to get this over as quickly and painlessly as possible. With Spinner standing in front of his chair, hand extend for leverage, Jimmy placed the other on the bench seat and deftly slid next to Ashley, with only a soft grunt as he transferred and a slight thump as the side of his foot hit the riser.

"Spin, you mind takin' care of that?", Jimmy quietly asked and motioned to the chair that need collapsing. It was hard enough trying to keep himself seated on this unfamiliar surface, and Jimmy knew that if he tried to reach down for his chair, the momentum would be too great and he topple onto the floor.

Spinner handed Jimmy his backpack and with a few quick movements, collapsed the chair against the booth...then took the empty space next to Marco and directly across from Jimmy.

"I'll check your foot later", Ashley whispered casusally, as Jimmy tried to settle and look at the menu at the same time. He nodded, knowing that she really didn't have to do that, he was pretty sure he hadn't hit that hard, but accepted the fact that Ashley would just do it anyway.

Ashley noticed Jimmy pressing both hands against the table to brace himself and realized he probably felt like he was slipping off the slick leather seat. Without a word, she looped her arms around his waist and suggled supportively against his chest. Jimmy smiled down at Ashley and she reciprocated with a kiss, then went on to mull over the menu.

"So, whatcha kids celebrating today?", an older lady, obviously their waitress, inquired as she walked up to the table.

They all looked at her quizzically, until Danny remembered the hostess saying that this was the 'special' party table. "My friend here, just got out of the hospital a few days ago", he answered proudly, clapping Derek on the shoulder...hard.

"Well, congratulations", she replied, skeptically looking the seeming healthy red-head up and down. "What were you in for?", she asked nosily.

"Actually it was rehab...and I had a back injury...".

"Broke his back in three places", Danny interrupted. The waitresses eyes widened.

"No, not really", Derek cut in to clarify. "I had a herniated disk and a chipped vertebrae".

"And he fractured his tail bone...got a two inch piece of metal holding it together", Danny elaborated boastfully.

"That's nothin' man...", Spinner interjected, looking over at Jimmy as he bragged. "...Jimmy's got like a six inch rod in his back".

"Eight", Jimmy whispered the correction. The table fell silent and all eyes were on him. He cleared his throat before continuing, "It's um...eight inches."

The waitress caught a glimpse of the folded wheelchair next to the boy who had just spoke, and she put two and two together. She forced an uncomfortable smile...there wasn't anything else to say, except..."So, what can I get for you guys?".

----------------------

A few small conversations popped up as the group waited anxiously for their food to come. Alex and Marco were debating on which was the better sport...baseball or hockey. Kyle was trying, unsuccessfully, to flirt with Ellie and Ashley was suggesting to Jimmy, what improvements she thought the store could use...but he was a million miles away.

"Hey Derek...when you commin' back to school?", Spinner asked, then took a sip of his beer.

"Ah, Monday", he replied with an exhuberant grin.

Derek's answer got Jimmy's attention. "Already?", he asked skeptically. He was home for a good two or three weeks, adjusting, before he was allowed to go back to school.

Derek nodded. "Picked up my hall pass and elevator key on our way here", he gloated, taking the laminated card and key out of his pocket, as proof. "I was hoping to get outta school early for physical therapy, but they were able to get me a spot after school", he sounded disappointed.

"You should be greatful for that", Jimmy stated, very pointedly. "I had to repeat a whole year because of all the time I missed", he added bitterly.

"Yeah, but at least you got to spend it in class with your totally hot girlfriend", Derek voiced, motioning over to Ashley, who blushed slightly and rolled her eyes at Derek's lame attempt at a compliment.

"Still...", Jimmy began to say, but was cut off by Danny.

"I bet you'll have girls fallin' all over you when you get back to school man", he declared. "Dude, there are like a hundred girls on the blog that wanna meet you".

"No there aren't", Derek protested bashfully.

"Okay so maybe not a hundred", Danny conceeded. "But I know of a few who would love a chance to take care of the poor helpless cripple".

Jimmy could feel the walls of his chest tighten and his jaw clench with rage. "Man, I could work this angle for the rest of the school year...get my chance with all the lovely honey's who wanna help me in my time of need...then make my big comback in the summer", Derek mused excitedly.

"You serious man?", Danny asked incredulously. Jimmy was beyond aggitated now.

"That's right. Double D is gonna be back...and better than ever", Derek announced arrogantly. "As soon as I'm cleared from the doctor...".

"I need some air", Jimmy muttered, cutting Derek off mid sentence.

"What?", Ashley questioned worriedly.

"I can't do this anymore", Jimmy stated, shaking his head as he tried, one handed, to open his folded chair, while holding on to the corner of the table for dear life. "Dammit", he grunted frustratedly as he jiggled the uncooperative chair. "Spin?", Jimmy called pleadingly to his best friend for help. Spinner jumped down from his seat and grabbed hold of Jimmy's chair.

"Jimmy?", Ashley called, tugging at his arm, but not so much that he'd lose his balance.

Jimmy ignored any advances made by Ashley as the chair was properly set up, breaks locked and ready for his transfer. "Jimmy", she demanded, trying to elict some sort of response.

He waved off any additional help from Spinner and made the ungraceful drop on his own. "I'm not gonna sit here and listen to the crap spewing from his mouth", Jimmy muttered, as he angrily tugged his feet onto the footrest and spun the chair around. "...not anymore".

Ashley watched as her boyfriend wheeled, as fast as she'd ever seen him, out of the resturant. She looked around at the stunned others sitting there...even Marco was unable to look up at her. With a shaky breath, she grabbed her purse and Jimmy's bag, and sliently slipped from the booth.

------------------

Ashley caught up with Jimmy, just as he was opening the door of his car. "What the hell was that in there?", she yelled incredulously.

"Nothing", he answered vaguely, and pressed the button that lowered the drivers seat to his level.

"Oh, it was definitely something", she replied angrily.

"I just needed to get outta there", Jimmy snapped, impatiently waiting for the seat to descend fully.

"Okay, you're out...now what?", Ashley questioned, eyeing his open car suspiciously.

Jimmy sighed heavily as he pushed forward, "Just go back inside Ash, tell everyone I'm sorry and...".

"And give them what excuse for ditching us in the middle of dinner?", she asked, taking occupancy in the drivers seat before Jimmy had a chance to transfer and effectively blocking his escape. "No Jimmy, not until you tell me why you bolted like that".

"I actually felt guilty when he first got hurt...I thought it was my fault for not warning _him_ about the ramp" , Jimmy reluctantly began to divulge. "At first, I didn't want to visit him, because I didn't want it to be real for him...or for me". Ashley was taken aback by Jimmy bluntness. He started nervously pacing, rolling back and forth in his chair. "But then I thought...God Ash, I thought he'd get it...ya know?", he stated almost desperately.

Ashley nodded as the realization finally hit her.

"I mean, six weeks ago, the guy was lying in traction, pissin' into a bag...and now he's crackin' jokes about it all?". Jimmy continued to shake his head and grip firmly on the rims of his chair. "This accident should have changed him...made him a better person", he sighed heavily and stiffened with frustration. "Except it didn't...it just made him worse...more ingnorant, more arrogant, more selfish...", he drifted off, then looked at Ashley pleadingly. "He doesn't even realize how lucky he is...".

Ashley froze, her heart sank and her mouth went dry. "No, no he doesn't", she agreed as she walked over to where Jimmy had stopped and placed her hands on his shoulders, rubbing gently while she thought carefully on how and what she was going to say next...but nothing came.

Jimmy looked back at her momentarily before pushing away from her again. "He just...he takes it all for granted...". He stilled, eyes clenched shut. "...do you know what I'd give, just to be able to tell when I have to go to the bathroom, Ash?", he whispered. Ashley bit her lower lip as the tears filled her eyes. She knew...she knew exactly what Jimmy would give just to have one small thing, _any _thing, that he lost that day, back.

"It's so damn hard sometimes", he gritted through clenched teeth. And before she even realized she was moving, Ashley found herself on Jimmy's lap, her arms holding him tightly. "Why?".

"Hmmm?", Ashley wasn't sure she actually heard the word or just a muffled sigh.

But Ashley's question was aswered by the look of Jimmy's eyes, when his red rimmed, imploring ones, met hers. "Why did I turn my back, Ash?", he questioned painfully. "Why did I run?". Ashley lost her breath, she could feel her heart breaking in time with Jimmy's. She wasn't sure she could speak through the tears that were falling down her cheeks, but she knew she had to stay strong...for Jimmy.

"It was a normal reflex Jimmy", Ashley assured him, rubbing his back gently. "Someone points a gun at you and you run...I'm sure I would've done the same thing if I were in that position".

Jimmy shook his head unbelievingly. "I never thought...his hand was shaking and his eyes were closed", his voice cracked as he continued. "... and I was running ...an-and he...he still hit dead center", there was an intake of breath and another tortured sound. "If I just would've moved an inch or so to either side...".

"No Jimmy, don't do this to yourself", Ashley cried, scolding him for even thinking like that. She held his head to her chest and ran her thumb, soothingly across his damp cheek.

He swallowed hard, "I just wanna know why, Ash". Ashley knew now that the changes in Jimmy today, as well as the ones she'd seen throughout the past month and a half, were just delayed reactions to his own shooting, brought on by Derek's accident.

"Why Rick shot you?", she proceeded sensitively. "Or why Derek walked away from his injury and you didn't from yours?".

Ashley's question took Jimmy by surprise, he looked up at her for the first time in minutes and shrugged. "I dunno...all of it I guess. Why the bullet hit where it did?...why I didn't stop Derek in time?...why he's acting like such a complete asshole?...".

A soft giggle cut Jimmy off and Ashley smiled lovingly at her boyfriend. "Well, I don't think I have an answer for the first two...", she paused and kissed Jimmy's forehead. "...but as for that last one, I don't think Derek can really help it". Jimmy smirked at Ashley's comment, but she wasn't quite finished. "I think he's hiding behind some sort of wall he's built up", she added, playing with the fingers of the hand she was holding. "Pretending everything's alright, not dealing with his problems, holding back his emotions...sounds a lot like someone else I know".

Jimmy's smirked widened into a weary smile and he nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, I guess maybe this breakdown was a little over due", he tried to joke lightly, but his smile soon faded back into frustration. "Good thing my dad wasn't here to see this", he added bitterly.

"Why, because then he'd have to be proud of his son, for being able to face his deamons?", Ashley queried, raising Jimmy's chin up with her finger. "Just like I am", she kissed his lips. "I love you Jimmy".

"Thanks", he replied appreciatively, with a tight squeeze.

Ashley smiled as they broke apart. "You ready to go back in?", she asked, nodding toward the door of the pizza parlor.

Jimmy chewed his lower lip and shook his head. "I don't think I can face them right now", he answered, looking ashamed. "I think I'm just gonna go home".

Ashley reluctantly slid off of his lap, but not before sneaking in another kiss. She watched as Jimmy transferred to the drivers seat, then disassembled his chair and placed the peices on his lap, for the trip up. Ashley shut the door, once Jimmy was safely inside and climbed into the passenger side. "What're you doing?", he asked incredulously.

"Going home with you, what does it look like?", she teased back, playfully.

Jimmy felt guilty. "Shouldn't you go back in and tell them we're...".

The squeeze Ashley gave his hand silenced Jimmy and she smiled at him. "I'll call El on the way home", she promised, letting go of his hand so he could turn the keys in the ignition.

------------

Monday came fast. Jimmy kept an eye out for Derek, hoping he'd get the chance to apologize for Friday night, but it was already third period and Jimmy had yet to see that shaggy mop of red hair.

Needing an excuse to clear his head and find inspiration for his latest art assignment, Jimmy headed down the front ramp of the school and over to the park bench he frequently sat next to, to sketch. Jimmy took his book out from under his chair and opened it to a blank page. He looked around, everything around him was already drawn in the book...the schools front facade, the tree lined street, the basketball court...

Jimmy leaned forward, just to be sure. He quickly tucked the book between his thigh and the side of his chair, before taking off for the court.

Derek was sitting on a basketball in mid court, right leg bent for support, left leg stretched out in front of him. "Gettin' some physio in?", Jimmy asked playfully.

Derek looked over his shoulder and smiled slightly as he shrugged. "Yeah, practice makes perfect, right?", was his only reply.

Jimmy watched as Derek rocked back and forth on the ball. "You're pretty good on that", Jimmy complemented Derek. "Man, everytime they get me on the balance ball, I fall flat on my back...or face, depending on the position", he added, poking a little humor at himself.

Derek's expression changed instantly to that pitying look Jimmy knew all too well. He stared at Jimmy's legs for a few seconds before hopping up from the ground, on his good leg, using his cane for support. "Doc said my leg's never gonna be the same", Derek spoke softly as he bent over to retrieve the basketball. "It'll always be weak, and I'll always have a slight limp that'll worsen with bad weather and exertion".

Jimmy nodded in acknowledgement. "Yeah, my back always let's me know when it's gonna rain or snow...or if I'm doing too much...", he conceeded with a quirky grin. "...sometimes even before Ashley does".

Another smile from Derek, this one minutely larger than the last. Jimmy moved closer and Derek tossed him the ball. "Won't be able to play anymore...", he trailed off sadly. "...not unless I wanna look like Quasimoto, runnin' down the court", he added a demonstration, dragging his left leg after him, for effect.

Jimmy chuckled lightly and pulled up next to Derek. "Really sucks, doesn't it?", he replied simply.

Derek nodded, stopping in front of Jimmy. "You're the only one who understands man", he whispered.

"Of course I understand Derek", Jimmy stated incredulously. "I've been through it man...hell, I'm still goin' through it".

Derek gave Jimmy a sideways glance. "Does it ever get any easier?", he breathed out with a heavy sigh.

Jimmy reached up and clapped Derek on the shoulder. "Yeah", he answered, a little too quickly. "...some of it", Jimmy ammended honestly, with his trademark grin.

Derek visibly eased as the two fell into a comfortable pace, back toward the school. "Listen, I'm sorry about Fri...".

"Forget it man..." Derek waved off Jimmy's attempt at an apology. "I get it", he added sincerely. "...and I'm sorry too". Jimmy stopped and looked up at Derek in surprise...a mutual understading, reached.

Jimmy pushed forward at Derek's prompt. "Hey, you know at the center where I play, we have a special night where family and friends can come and play with us...on wheels. You can come and give it a try if you want...", he offered, motioning with his chin, to the ball still sitting on his lap. "Marco and Spinner usually come...but they're not very good playing on their feet...".

Derek erupted in genuine laughter...for the first time since his accident. "I'd like that".

-----------------

All done, and fairly pleased with it. I hope you all liked it...I definitely enjoyed writing it.

Thanks, as always, to lilfiftyfour and havocmangawip...for their words of encouragement and awesome support. Without them behind me, most of these stories would not get written.

Degrassi is not mine.


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